- This is a formal letter: it is, not it’s
- What are “the companies and their products/services"; Is “including MTR Mall, Property and Project" an exhaustive list?
- Avoid using " ‘s " after non-living objects. Use xxx of yyy instead i.e. “the staff and stake holders of the MTR Corporation".
- Do not HESITATE
- “Please do not…on the date with booked insertion" should be followed by a period (.). “We shall…." should be a new sentence.
- Midnight means 12 o’clock at night. “During" midnight is simply impossible. It should be “during midnight hours".
In short, get a new advertising agency.